Johnny Depp was officially named People's Sexiest Man Alive 2009, which got us thinking -- who are the UNsexiest male celebs in Hollywood? The following fellas are the least in danger of causing a female stampede -- no matter how much Axe body spray they put on.
(Editor's Note: We still love you, guys.)
10. John C. Reilly
One possible explanation for why Will Ferrell so often appears alongside Reilly -- at the very least, it will up his hot quotient. We'll opt to 'Walk Hard' in the opposite direction.
9. Joaquin Phoenix
Joaquin might have once been an OK-looking guy, but these days you'd never know it. The only thing that beard inspires a woman to do is a lice check. This is a look that only works if you're Hassidic or Amish.
8. Mickey Rourke
So hot in '9 1/2 Weeks', Rourke now looks like a wannabe aging rock star. We'd need some serious cootie spray if this 'Wrestler' tried to put us in a Nelson hold.
7. Michael Moore
This outspoken director is married so we can only assume his wife must think he's all that and a bag of chips (and a side of fries, and a cream cheese bagel, and several rotisserie chicken ...). Just be thankful his provocative docs don't contain nude scenes.
6. Randy Quaid
Imagine getting 'Kingpinned' by this character actor, especially with that pageboy hair-do he rocked in the Farrelly Brothers film? We can't either. He may have hearded sheep on 'Brokeback Mountain' but there's no way Quaid was getting invited in that tent!
5. Philip Seymour Hoffman
A brilliant actor? Yes. A heartthrob? Not quite. His sex scene with Marisa Tomei in 'Before the Devil Knows You're Dead' is sure to inspire you and your date to take a vow of celibacy.
4. Paul Giamatti
It would take a few barrels of wine for us to get 'Sideways' with this actor. The powdered wig he donned for John Adams was actually an improvement, though when it comes to getting frisky with a Founding Father, he's still no Benjamin Franklin.
3. Justin Long
Drew, sweetie, what are you thinking? Justin Long is a 31-year-old man that looks like a 13 year-old boy. Hey, at least the PC guy has gone through puberty.
2. Kevin Spacey
Is he gay? Is he straight? Kevin won't tell, but one thing's for certain -- this guy's sex appeal is a mystery, too. C'mon, Keyser Soze, give us something to work with!
1. Gary Busey
He's fascinating, he's outrageous and he has gigantic teeth. What woman could resist the mystery wrapped within an enigma that is Busey? To coin one of his Busey-isms, let's just say that we are NOT HOT (Not One That He Overly Titillates) for Gary.
MORE FROM OUR PARTNERS:
Johnny Depp is the Sexiest Man Alive... But Why Now? [PopEater]
Reader Comments (101)
freda at 4:01PM on Nov 19th 2009
If Jimmy Kimmel were in movies, it'd have to be him. Makes my skin crawl.
movielvr at 9:03PM on Nov 19th 2009
you and me both, ew!
HopScotch at 10:59AM on Nov 27th 2009
Who cares if they are talented or not? This is about what they LOOK like. Women have had to be judged by this criteria forever. Some of these apes are just FUGLY!
Bo at 2:29PM on Nov 27th 2009
Oh, I was waiting for it so long! At last Miley Cyrus made Topless
VIDEO!! I didn't find it at her mySpace, as previous photos but after
half an hour of searching I found it here: http://dwarfurl.com/54357
Kari at 7:13PM on Nov 19th 2009
Why is Justin Long on here? I think he is adorable.
JFM at 5:05PM on Nov 21st 2009
I agree! I totally see what Drew sees in him!
denise at 8:44AM on Nov 24th 2009
I totally agree - Justin long is soooooo cute and has style. How can he be in the same category with these other guys????
rafe at 1:13AM on Nov 25th 2009
Justin Long is cuter than a basket of kittens. Who's the troll who put him on this list?
Wahoo at 2:28PM on Nov 27th 2009
Justin Long? He is so HOT! When I'm fastforwarding through commercials and his MAC cutie is on I always stop and watch it a few times. He's the perfect man, imo....and I'm in my 40's.
I think a lot of these guys are sexy. Sexiness is different from middle of the road beauty. I think a lot of these guys would be amazing in the sack, and isn't that what sexy is about?
Buffy at 11:32PM on Nov 30th 2009
Justin Long is NOT hot!! I think he looks like a dork. I always thought so, since "Jeepers Creepers"
Pat Sinback at 7:13PM on Nov 19th 2009
I agree with #1, #7 and #8, but as to the rest, I find expertise, confidence, and just being very interesting is very sexy.
jon at 7:11PM on Nov 19th 2009
I find this article in poor taste.
Lisa at 7:51PM on Nov 19th 2009
I agree, this article is in poor taste. These men are very talented and that's what you guys should be focused and not nasty insults.
d sawa at 7:50PM on Nov 19th 2009
I guess you don't care about peoples feelings at all. I thought this was a legitimate Web site. BOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Caroline at 9:03PM on Nov 19th 2009
I'd have to chime in and say I didn't care for this at all. No reason to rake these guys over the coals because you personally don't find them attractive. This article is simply mean-spirited and not at all amusing.
Donna at 8:45AM on Nov 27th 2009
I agree with you and with everyone who thinks this is just plain mean. What a nasty world we live in when a top ten list is made based on someone's looks. No doubt those who make up this list are no Brad Pitts or Johnny Depps themselves.
Pam at 9:48PM on Nov 19th 2009
Don't think I'll visit again. Agree with this being mean-spirited.
Joe at 9:44PM on Nov 19th 2009
Jack Black, Steve Buschemi
MarkB at 2:16PM on Nov 25th 2009
How ugly, Batman!
How did they miss Steve Buscemi! He is the gold standard of ugly men in Hollywood. I'd also put Nic Cage in there.
Shawn at 4:53PM on Nov 25th 2009
I love Steve Buscemi. I do agree that he's ugly, but that's the appeal.